Heartbreak

Thank you all for your tremendous support. It is making things easier for us.

Writing this a day after we returned to Kiev from the orphanage in Kharkiv. We did not have Internet access until now.

Yesterday was a day like no other. We arrived in Kharkiv after a 7 hour car ride. Changed our clothes in the car, put on our make-up, and revived ourselves. None of us really slept, maybe Sveta caught an hour or two, but Jesse and I stayed awake. Needed to wait until 9am to see the "Inspector" of the orphanage, so we ventured to a place called " Target", it is their version of "Target." Inside you can find anything including a restaurant. We had coffee, tea, and pastries. Sveta explained the process to us again, so as to make sure we would be prepared. She phoned the Inspector at 9:20am and she was still not at work, but said she needed a ride and could we please pick her up and drive her to her office. Of course we could, Sveta said this would be a good opportunity for us. We drove a few miles to an apartment building and out walked a woman in her 30's, dressed in capri pants and high heels. She greeted us with, "Dobrogo Ranku", which is good morning. Sveta and her exchanged words on the way to her office, and then Sveta told us to wait in the car that she would go inside and discuss us with her. Soon Sveta was back in the car and we were off to the orphanage. As we approached the very old, dark, grayish building anxiety set it and again I was nauseous. Jesse kept saying, "pull yourself together and just breath." I was caught by surprise as we entered the building. There was an abundance of strollers in the entry way, the rooms were large and very clean, plenty of places to sit, the smell of fresh food was being cooked, and a pleasant smiling staff walking around. It had a pretty good vibe inside. We were greeted by the orphanage attorney who was lovely, and escorted into an administration office where there was the Directors nurse, and two caretakers. Evidently the Director is the head Doctor as well. The attorney went over the child's history, surprisingly there was more information than we had expected to find out, and the child's medical condition. The child was a "special needs" child, although I do not think the caretakers thought so. It could be that we have a different perspective then they do. Jess and I were given a picture of the child to look at, and at that moment I could barely breath, knowing that we were going to reject this beautiful little boy who needs a good home. The Director/Doctor came in to introduce himself and then asked if we were ready to see the child who would be in a "rehab" room by himself. Both Jess and I looked at Sveta in desperation, pleading with our eyes not to make us see him alone but it was too late. The intent of the caretakers at that moment was to find that little boy a good home and they felt it was best to show him to us alone so we could see his personality, how well he was getting around after several surgeries on his legs, and his communication skills. The long hall came fast, we were told to take our shoes off, (a custom one does in the Ukraine as soon as they enter a home) and to follow Sveta into the "rehab" room. The room was filled with all kinds of new updated equipment such as a climbing rope ladder, hoola hoops, small trampoline, balls, etc. As the door opened the little one looked up at us with his big brown eyes, and Jesse fell apart. His heart was broken. I turned to look at him and I too could no longer fight back the tears, that moment had to be one of the most heartbreaking moments in our lives. The caretakers were playing with him to show us how active he was, and after a few minutes Jess and I had to excuse ourselves. The pain was too great and there was nothing we could do to help this child. We sat in a hallway while Sveta talked to the Director. We talked about how terrible we felt, but how we needed to stay focused on our goal here, and what was going to be the right fit for us. Sveta said the caretakers understood, and that they were not worried because they would find a good home for this boy. Wish that made us feel better at that moment, but truthfully it did not. We returned to the "Inspectors" office to pick up our paperwork and then we began our long road trip back to Kiev. None of us really talked on the way home, we were filled with painful emotion, sadness, heartbreak, even anger in a strange way. Sveta managed to cheer us up by picking a sunflower off the side of the road so that we could try fresh sunflower seeds. Igor was terrific and only got pulled over 1 time for speeding, but interestingly enough he whipped out 20 grivna and made the ticket go away. Imagine if it was that simple in the US?

Today our spirits begin to recharge.

A few side notes- The orphanage caretakers we all wonderful, and you could tell they love those children. All of them were very nice to us, informative, and we found them to be genuine.

Jess tried on a watch that was $239,000.00. Now what kind of person would let him try on such an expensive watch? We had no idea until Sveta said,"do you know how much that costs?"

Hot chocolate here is melted dark chocolate bars with a spoonful of cream. It is like syrup and yes Jesse has had it twice and can not wait to get home and make it.

You turn the stove on by turning the gas line on in the kitchen with a wrench.

No woman leaves home without their stilettos and their short short short skirts.

For now we say- paka paka- bye bye.