Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Round 1

Unfortunately today did not turn out the way we had hoped. Did not get much sleep last night. Left our apartment at 9:30 this morning and arrived at the State Dept at 9:45. At that time we were the only couple waiting in the tiny lobby, if you would call it that. There were 2 couples already in their meetings. Within an hour the lobby filled up with other couples who were there waiting for their appointments. Actually we were all gathered at the bottom of the stairs leading to the appointment rooms. Facilitators communicated with one another, and for the most part all of us waiting kept our eyes down, and no one hardly said a word. I could tell there was another American couple, a Ukrainian couple, and an Italian couple.
As we waited anxiety crept thru our bodies, and it seemed like it took forever until the clock turned 11am. Each time we heard a door open from above and someone walking our bodies filled with anticipation, so much so that at one point I was nauseous and needed to breath some fresh air. At 11:20 an attractive woman waived Sveta up the stairs and we followed. We entered a private room with a corner couch seat. All three of us sat down and quickly the meeting began. Sveta interpreted everything the "Psychologist" said. She first asked a series of questions. Why are you adopting? How come the Ukraine? How long have you been with your agency? What is your occupation? Where do you live? Do you own your home? The ebb and flow of the conversation seemed to be going well. Then she said, what are your expectations? We told her a girl/boy, minor correctable medical conditions, age 2-5. She said they have no children at this time but she would show us what they have and that all of the children in the orphanages have severe medical conditions. The files were placed on the table in front of us. We saw a total of 9.
They consisted of 1 page describing in Ukrainian the child's medical conditions, age, orphanage information and some other info. The Psychiatrist and Sveta communicated back and forth.
We kept asking to see children in our age range, who only had minor medical conditions, and she kept saying this is all we have today. There were only 2 children on our age range, we saw a sibling set ages 7and9, who seemed to be healthy, but that was too old for us, and we saw severely challenged children. In particular one file was extremely disturbing. It is difficult to turn down these referrals when you know how desperate these children are to find good homes. Jess and I spent many hours discussing our limitations and at this point in our lives we are clear on what will work for both of us. In order for us to get a second appointment at the State Dept. we needed to choose one of the files that were presented to us. So we chose the youngest boy age 3. He has something called Pierre-Robbins syndrome, which can affect ones breathing, swallowing, chin growth, and verbal skills. He has a small cleft palate (inside). He also had leg surgery to correct his leg positioning. Our plan is to travel to his orphanage in Kharkiv on Thursday night leaving at 2am arriving at 8am. Then we will need to visit the child in order to decline this referral. As I write this tears fall from my eyes as I am not sure how I will handle it all. Of course I will get thru it...but I don't imagine it will be easy. If we decline this referral our plan is to return to Kiev on Friday or Saturday and wait for our next appointment at the State Dept.
This is not how we wished our day would have played itself out, but we are supporting one another and holding on to hope, and reminding ourselves that everything happens exactly the way it is supposed to.
As Jess and our dear friend Phil say...just keep swimmin'...just keep swimmin'!

43 comments:

Moishale said...

Keep your chin's high. You are both great people and great things will happen. Patience!

Keep Swimmin & breath...
Love & Support to both of you Robin & family

Shaia said...

One of Shaia's gifts is he can see the future. In his crystal ball he sees the inevitable emotional challenges, but in the end, all is wonderful as four feet become six happy feet tap dancing to their amazing lives together.

"...and I was like... ha hA HA HAAA!!!"

....just keep swiiiming
...just keep swiiiimiiing!!

xxoo

gaby said...

dear nic and jess
Tears are streaming down my face as I write to you....

No one ever knows why they are placed in certain situations but as Joyce said, from the hospital last nite as I was sharing your story with her...everything has a way of working out.

keep positive my little sis...we are all here swimming right along side of you
love to you both

Cuz L said...

Too tearful to say too much right now, but like everyone else says, keep swimming and you will get to the other side.

With so much love

Cuz Lxx

kiska-o said...

Stay strong...stay focused. Remember all your research and people telling you to trust Sveta. It is heartbreaking to leave a needy child behind, but you know what you can do and what you can't do. Keep breathing!

Love,J

Kimberly said...

Remember, everything will happen to your advantage. Be strong! You are both amazing human beings and great things will happen.

Hang in there!


Kimberly

Haley said...

My heart and tears are with you both. Keep strong and know that everything will work out for the best. I am praying for you and hoping that you will find what you are looking for and all will be good. I love you both...
God Bless.....

mom and dad said...

AS YOU ALWAYS SAY EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON...........MAYBE THIS IS ONE OF THE "EVERYTHINGS". REMEMBER WE ARE HERE TO SUPPORT BOTH OF YOU IN ANY WAY YOU MIGHT NEED.
LOVE,
MOMMASHANES AND DAD

Unknown said...

I shouldn't be reading this at work, too teary-eyed!

Rely on your gut, instinct, intuition. You know, at least subconsciously, what makes sense for everyones' lives. Certainly a child with other than minor medical conditions implies certain difficulties.

Remember that the best things in life are worth fighting for and typically don't come easy.

Love you bunches,
Liz & Ron

Mom W said...

Some how and some way what ever the case may be,be true to your feelings its your life so you do what is best for this life I know what I'm feeling is probably not as bad as you I don't have to see the kids that are suffering and will never see the light of day but we are all here for some reason in life I'm sure yours is ahead of you if not now then soon.

Love you much

Alli B. said...

Hang-On, you have always told me things happen for a reason almost every time I see you. It will all work out my better half. I love you and I Will be praying for you guys and the child that is meant to be your's

Love
Alli B

Olga said...

Remenber that if it was easy, everyone would do it! Your strength and resiliance will be tested on this journey and your love and faith will keep you strong! See it as a rubber band stretching farther that it has stretched before but never breaking! Remember what Jeanette said...you are making the nest now and it will have its difficult moments but in the end you will fly home again with your bundle of love at your side.

Love 2 all,

O.

Achmed the Dead Terrorist said...

Uh Ahhhh!!

Unknown said...

My heart is with you. I know you'll find the right one. this is all just part of the experience. I love you guys.

J

LindaS said...

Nik and Jess,
As I read through your incredible journey, and your challenges today, I feel (and know in my heart) that all of this is happening for a reason. It's hard not to have expectations. It's hard to keep going on day after to day and believe this is the way it's supposed to happen. It's hard to have it not be easy.

But you two are amazing. You have held together, cried together, dreamed together, and laughed together. You are stronger and more loving and appreciative people because of all of this.

Your child will be so lucky to have you.... and your child will be perfect, just for you.

Keep your chins high and keep your faith strong as you go through these next few days.

I love you and think of you often. Thank you for your blogging.

your cuz, Linda

Anna said...

Nicole and Jesse,

Keep the faith and everything will work out! We love you very much and know that everything will work out the way its supposed to be.

All of our LOVE and SUPPORT
♥ Anna, Keeley, Mia, and Mateo

HLC said...

You're doing what's right. You have each other and can get through this coming out of it even stronger!

much love,
H&R

spaul said...

Jess and Nic,

Stay strong and know we're all here for you. All things happen for a reason. Keep swimming, brighter days are ahead. Keep the faith!
We love you,
Sylvia and Steve

kiska-o said...

Wow...look at all this great support you have! It's like when everyone banded together to help George Bailey out in the movie It's a Wonderful Life...you know... when Uncle Willie lost the $8,000 deposit and George wanted to jump of the bridge! You have so many people praying for you, sending you positive energy and love…so many guardian angles watching out for you and your child. We’re all fighting for you and with this much behind you and each other, you’ll find the strength to get through this tough part. It’s only Round 1! Get some rest and come out fighting!

Love, J

Lori "Stone" said...

good things happen to good people, and you two are some of the best people I know! You'll be sharing your love with a little one before you know it :)

Positive thoughts only!

xoxo

Lori

Kimmie Bell said...

Nicole and Jess,
Thank you for sharing your beautiful and important journey with us. It's heartbreaking to imagine how you are feeling and the thought of those innocent children yearning for love is almost unbearable. You know the best fit for your family and the right little person will be complimenting your happy life very soon. Our hearts are with you and I hope you know we love you very much. Romie needs a brother or sister so hurry up and bring one home! ;) xoxo Kimmie

elena said...

I was not at work yesterday, therefore, did not read the heartbreaking news until this morning (Thursday). You know God never gives us more than we can handle. I'm sorry that you guys have to go through this, but you will get through it and in the end you will be the proud parents of that perfect child meant only for you.

Love ya guys... Stay strong!

e.

Mom W said...

I know at this time you might be in a bad way after being at the orphanage but in these countries thats how it is you have support from all of your friends and family we just want you home and safe with the four feet you left with and two more feet if possible if not we all are more then happy to greet you at the air port with hugs and kisses.

Love you both

Mouse said...

I understand how much you were hoping that your first visit was going to show you the child of your dreams, but remember, Ronn & Dianne didn't find their children until their 2nd appointment.
You need to stick with your dream of finding a healthy and beautiful toddler. I promise she/he is in one of those orphanages. You aren't in a hurry, so kindly pass on the children you see and the book with the photo of your baby is just around the corner.

Smiles & Hugs,
Mindi

Anna said...

Sending you only positive thoughts!! Keep the faith, be patient and you'll see how everything will work out for you.

love,

Anna Browne..

Kimberly said...

Jesse & Nicole,

Keep the faith and everything will work out! I love you very much and know that everything will work out the way it is supposed to be!

My thoughts and prayers are with you both!


Kimberly

Karyn Saunders said...

Oh my goodness, I just saw your email with the link in my inbox today...Your Canadian Fans are cheering you on! You have come this far...keep up the good work!

"Infinite patience bring immediate results" ~ Wayne Dyer

Love Karyn and Allan

Unknown said...

Listen to Mouse, she has some very heartfull feedback. You will find the right one for you. Healthy and happy and waiting to meet you. Be patient.

xo
Jay

bird'smom said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
bird'smom said...

Delete Comment From: Adding two feet


bird'smom said...
I come home each night to read about your journey and I'm so proud of you. Stay strong...everything works out as it should. Just know there is love out there in the most unexpected places. Just keep your eyes and hearts open.
Wendy

Dianne said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dianne said...

I keep on saying to myself, where do I start? Overwhelming emotions build inside my heart and chest, and big bulging tears fill up my eyes. Partly it's from my own memories of it all, and partly because I'm thinking of you, excited for you, feeling much joy for you, and knowing what you're going through right now.
So, you denied the older children, and now your being asked to look at a child who may have more health issues than you're willing to handle...or not...that ONLY you can know. Ava and Austin were not even available for adoption on that first appointment. You'll just have to follow your knowing, and don't be afraid to ask Svetlana what she thinks!!!
Meanwhile, can you believe it, we were in Kharkiv much of the time. Their orphanage was just outside Kharkiv, so most of the paperwork, meeting the judge, etc. was in Kharkiv! I wonder if Stan will be your driver? :)
I have so much more to say, to send to you as you experience this amazing journey in an unfamiliar place, most people will never experience.
LOTS AND LOTS OF LOVE, friendship your way! If you need to email me privately, anytime, anyhow, my email is blueyedi6@yahoo.com
HELLO SVETLANA (Isn't she gorgeous?)
xxxx Dianne

Mom W said...

Just a couple of words right now I love you both very much and wish I could go through this instead of you but I can't. Keep your spirits up and if round 1 does not work we will go to round 2 botta boom botta bang.

Jaena said...

Nicole and Jesse,
I've been reading all along and I woke up this morning hoping to hear good news. I'm sure you'll get it!! I'm seriously thinking about you guys night and day. Take care. My love, Jaena

Anna said...

jess and nicole, keep your head up. everything will work itself out and it will all be okay. :) keep the faith and paitence each minute of the day. you are two great amazing people and everything will work out. :)

i love you both so much!
best wishes to the best and strongest couple in my life
-mia

spaul said...

Hang in there you two. Stay positive and pull your strength from all the people that love you and are on this journey with you. We're sending wonderful thoughts your way for "Round 2"

Love,
Steve and Sylvia

Kimberly said...

Nicole & Jesse,

You both are in my thoughts constantly. Be strong and patient. I know it is easier said than done but everything will work out, I feel it.

I have a candle especially lighted for you at home.

Love u guys Much!!!!


Kimberly

ps: I MISS U NICOLE, I miss looking across from my desk and seeing your long blonde hair and inspirational smile and voice.

Mom W said...

I had a terrible time trying to get on this afternoon finallly I did. I'm praying for all of you to connect. Hopes high try to relax the best you can before Round 2.

Love Hugs and Kisses

Unknown said...

Thinking of you awaiting to read your passage.
Always step back and rembember to keep each other safe, support one another and be happy along your travels. I had a dream of both of you holding a wonderful, healthy, smiling child. I even know gender but I'm not telling ;-)

Love and miss you guys.
Loo

mom and dad said...

I guess when you read my comments you will have read those of all the people who love and support you in all your decisions.
Sending good thoughts for you from Anna, Ruth, and Gay.
I know how difficult it is for you but you are being forced to take a few days being a tourist...take it in. Tuesday will come soon and you will be able to turn the necessary papers in and schedule your next appt.
Our hearts and souls are with you.
It is unfortunate that you hit the Ukraine at holiday time. But even government workers deserve a day off but not on your time.
Love,
Momma and Dad

Haley said...

All the strength and love in everything that your friends and family have written... You are so loved by so many people...It is truly amazing reading what everyone has written here. The strength in every word...Keep your heads and shoulders high. It may not be easy for you... but you have so much support here in these emails from those that are so important in your lives. Everyone here will be there for you no matter what happens. Nicole - I love you girl.... you to Jess...
Haley

Kelly Merbler said...

We are praying for you both! Stay strong and know that you have everyone's support.

Kelly Merbler

kiska-o said...

Don't forget your mission statement from Deepak: There is always one moment in childhood when the door opens and lets the future in.

A moment! It's small unit of time but the moment you find your child is coming and that moment will change all of your lives. Trouble is that you have to get through many other moments, minutes, hours, days to get there! Some of these other moments will and have been really tough...tougher than any of us can imagine who haven't been through this. But when THE moment comes, all of that will fall away and you will only see the future with your child. Keep replaying all the great advice you have been given by those who have already been through this and are cheering you on from home. ..homes that are now beautifully ravaged by toys thrown everywhere, crayon markings on the wall and goldfish crackers on the floor ("Do you want to come over?!")

Relax and regroup this weekend. I feel a Yahtzee tournament coming on! ("Fours are hard!") Monday (an EXTREMELY excellent day) you will begin again!
Love,
J